I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
