Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
