Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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