All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
