She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
