I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
