i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
