you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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