Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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