Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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