I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm at about main and main street
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
