i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
