Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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