Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Too much gin, very little bucket
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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