State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Panties = found
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
