John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
