i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
