What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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