Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
