I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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