I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
