how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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