so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
