Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
