he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
