ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize