My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
