So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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