Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
