you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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