What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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