On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just pee around me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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