If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
