Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
