Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
