never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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