OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
