Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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