haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Someone signed my nipple.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
