lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
