Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
