I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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