Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
