he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
