So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
