im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
