What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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