When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
