Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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