i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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