i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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