Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
