Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
