Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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