i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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