He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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