Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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