Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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