So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
