A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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