MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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