time to smoke my breakfast
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
