Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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