I just made out with a guy for $7.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
