No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
