I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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