I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
