Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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