Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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