I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
