i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
