atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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