Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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