Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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