how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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