I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
