were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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