just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
