I can text with my tongue
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize