I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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