I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
