i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
