I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
