i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
