I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
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