I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
