he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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